FREE LIVE WEBINAR
Why Are My Relationships So Exhausting?
Discover the 5 hidden relationship patterns that keep capable women over-giving, people-pleasing and carrying everyone else - even when they know something needs to change.
26 Nov 2026 | 6:00 PM AEST | LIVE | 1 hour + live Q&A
DIFFERENT PEOPLE. DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIPS. SAME EXHAUSTING PATTERNS.
At work, in your business, at home, with family, friends or your partner…
You know you need to say no… but somehow you hear yourself saying yes.
You tell yourself you’re going to ask for help… then decide it’s easier to do it yourself.
Someone brings you a problem — and somehow, you end up solving it.
You know you need to speak up… but when the moment comes, you keep the peace instead.
You promise yourself that next time you’ll choose a partner who can meet you where you are… then somehow find yourself with another person you’re trying to rescue, fix or wait for.
You decide you’re not going to carry everything this time…
and somehow, you’re carrying it again.
You already know a lot of this.
You’ve done the therapy. Read the books. Listened to the podcasts. You’ve thought about your childhood, your relationships and why you do what you do.
You’ve been told to set the boundary, say no, ask for help, stop taking everything on and let other people sort out their own problems.
You know.
You may even understand where some of it comes from.
But knowing what you want to do differently and actually being able to do it when the moment comes are two very different things.
Because when the moment does come…
You say yes. You step in. You keep the peace. You do it yourself.
And somehow, you find yourself back here.
SO WHY DO YOU KEEP FINDING YOURSELF BACK HERE?
That’s the question we’re going to explore together.
HERE’S WHAT WE’LL EXPLORE TOGETHER
What if some of the things you keep trying to change aren’t simply bad habits, lack of willpower or a failure to set better boundaries?
What if there’s something happening underneath them that you haven’t been able to see yet?
During Why Are My Relationships So Exhausting?, we’re going to look at the hidden relationship patterns that may be influencing how you give, receive, communicate, handle conflict, ask for help — and respond when someone else needs something from you.
How Do These Patterns Develop?
You’ll discover how unconscious relationship patterns can form — and why responses that may once have helped you belong, cope, receive approval, avoid conflict or protect yourself can continue operating long after they’re useful.
THE 5 HIDDEN RELATIONSHIP PATTERNS
We’ll explore five patterns that may be influencing the way you behave and communicate:
Nothing I do is ever enough — so you do more.
I’m not lovable — so you give, nurture, accommodate and make yourself indispensable.
I’m not safe — so you avoid difficult conversations, manage other people’s emotions and keep the peace.
What I want doesn’t matter — so everybody else’s needs continually make the list before yours.
I can’t rely on anyone — so you do it yourself… and eventually wonder why nobody ever helps you.
And importantly, we’ll look at what happens when several of these patterns are operating at the same time.
Because that may help explain why something that sounds so simple — “just ask for help” or “just set the boundary” — can feel anything but simple when you actually have to do it.
This isn’t about becoming less loving
It’s not about giving less simply for the sake of giving less.
It’s not about becoming selfish, uncaring or rigid.
And it certainly isn’t about blaming your parents, your partner — or yourself — for everything that has happened in your relationships.
It’s about becoming more conscious of how you are showing up and understanding what may be driving the responses that seem to happen almost automatically.
BECAUSE WHEN YOU CAN SEE WHAT’S HAPPENING, YOU CAN BEGIN ASKING A VERY DIFFERENT QUESTION.
Instead of:
“Why am I like this?” You can begin asking: “What’s happening here — and what would I actually like to do instead?”
MEET YOUR HOST
Hi, I’m Alfina Lofaro.
For a long time, one of the beliefs quietly running underneath my relationships was:
I have to earn love.
When I was four, my mum gave birth to twin girls. I went from being the youngest to suddenly being the middle child — and somewhere in my four-year-old understanding of the world, I began to make meaning of that change. I started to believe that if I wanted to be loved, accepted or feel like I belonged, I had to earn my place.
Of course, I didn’t walk around thinking, “I have to earn love.” I just lived like I did. I gave a lot to my friends. I did a lot in my marriage. At work, I worked harder, took on more and said yes far more often than I wanted to. And in some relationships, I accepted very little in return while continuing to give more and more of myself.
For years, that just felt like who I was. I was generous. I was helpful. I was capable. I was the person people could rely on. And there’s nothing wrong with any of those things. Somewhere underneath it all, love and belonging had become something I believed I had to earn.
And over the years, the price was high.
My time. My energy. My money. And eventually, my nervous system.
I experienced burnout and illness before I began to understand that some of the things I thought were simply part of my personality were also being driven by a much older pattern. And that changed the question for me. It was no longer: “Why do I keep giving so much?” It became: “What is driving me to believe I have to?”
And once I began to understand that, I could also begin to see something else. If I wanted my relationships to feel different, it wasn’t enough to simply tell myself to stop giving so much, say no more often or ask for help. I had to understand what was driving me to do those things in the first place — and then learn how to respond differently.
And this is where relationships get interesting. Because when you’ve spent years being the one who gives, helps, remembers, fixes, accommodates and keeps everything moving, you’re not the only one who has become used to you being that person. The people around you have too.
Frequently Asked Questions
No.
When I talk about relationships, I mean the relationships throughout your life — with yourself, your partner, children, family, friends, colleagues and the other important people around you.
The same underlying patterns can show up in very different places.
Then you may find this conversation particularly interesting.
You might already understand your history, recognise your patterns and know what a healthy boundary looks like.
This webinar isn’t about giving you another list of things you should be doing.
It’s about exploring why, despite everything you already know, the old response can still take over in the moment — and what may help create the possibility of choosing differently.
Yes. Unconscious patterns don’t require an obviously traumatic or difficult childhood.
We can form powerful interpretations through ordinary family dynamics, repeated experiences, what was modelled to us and emotionally significant events throughout our lives.
This isn’t about blaming anyone.
It’s about becoming curious about what you learned — and whether it’s still serving you now.
Being intelligent and self-aware doesn’t necessarily stop an automatic emotional response in the moment.
You might already know exactly what you want to do.
The interesting question is why, when the situation actually happens, you find yourself responding in the old familiar way again.
That’s part of what we’ll explore together.
Sometimes another person’s behaviour genuinely is problematic.
This webinar isn’t about making you responsible for everybody else’s behaviour.
You cannot control who is standing on the other side of a relationship.
But you can become conscious of who you are being inside it.
And that gives you somewhere to begin.
The webinar will run live for approximately one hour, followed by a Q&A.
Absolutely. There’ll be a live Q&A at the end, so you’ll have an opportunity to ask questions about what we’ve covered.
Ready to understand what’s been driving the pattern — and what you can do differently?
You may already know what you want to change.
Now let’s get curious about what keeps getting in the way.
Join me for:
Why Are My Relationships So Exhausting?
Discover the five hidden relationship patterns that may be influencing how you behave and communicate — and what it can look like to begin relating from choice rather than automatic response.
LIVE | 26 Nov 2026 | 6:00 PM AEST
1 hour + live Q&A